Eight Things I Have Not Bought in Quarantine
Not Buying Things is a Testament To My Character and Proof of My Sanity
A harp. The truth is that I am absolutely never going to learn how to play the harp in this lifetime, and didn’t even particularly feel called to until a minor character in Mae Martin’s excellent nb dyke dramedy Feel Good holds a harp for about fifteen seconds. I have now priced out what different kinds of harps are available against how long they would take to learn, and have even discovered that - despite Amazon (I know) deprioritizing non-essential deliveries - there is still one harp available for immediate delivery for less than £100. But I have not bought a harp, and that’s what matters.
A £250 spiritual course taught by a man who can only be described as a Hot Spiritual Daddy. Let’s face it, I of all people do not need to take a basic spiritual course. I’m already thoroughly involved in enough religion. I’m even reading tarot for trollops on the side to hustle some extra funds for the SWARM hardship relief fund. My bedroom is a literal temple, each horizontal surface covered in shrines. I have already bought the man’s book and read it intently, dog-earring pages and underlining parts I’ll want to go back to. I am absolutely the wrong person to take this introductory course. HOWEVER, the targeted Facebook ads have really got their hooks in me, and the desire to spend 8 weeks listening to his voice is strong. But I have not and I must not pay £250 to listen to the Hot Spiritual Daddy.
A leather covid-19 face mask by a local fetish craftsman. There is little that would amuse me more than wearing a handcrafted leather fetish covid-19 face mask as I take my government-mandated once (1) daily outdoor exercise. Even though it almost verges on the sort of kinky-dorkdom that I abhor (being myself the original sexy-mean and thus allergic to all things kinky-dork), I have been reading enough Gayle Rubin lately to think that integrating leatherwear into my daily life would be fun. However, £75 is an irrational amount of money to spend on what is essentially a joke with myself.
The Fujifilm X-T3 camera and lens system. No matter what my cabin fevered brain thinks, I do not have money to spend on a Fujifilm X-T3 camera and lens system. And what do I think I will photograph? How long do I think I could amuse myself taking photos of my bedroom, my back garden, the view from my window? A global pandemic quarantine is an absurd time to buy a camera.
Plants. Thirty four varieties of house and outdoor plants, to be more specific. Did you know you can still get plants delivered in the apocalypse? I do not have any more window space for plants, but what if I started planting them in the back garden? What if I cut through the wall somehow to create an extra window in my room? Huh? What if??
A new Mac. Sure, the economy is crumbling, and my job may disappear any moment, but isn’t this a great time to lay down a couple grand to get a new gunmetal Mac? It is not. I know it is not. I do not have the money. And yet..
One of those large YouTuber circle light rigs, two or three sets of fairy lights, and a floor lamp. Now that we all exist only on Zoom, it makes perfect sense for me to splurge on an elaborate lighting set-up so that I am look better while I stare at myself in the small box at the corner of each of the five video meetings I have per day now. This is actually a great idea! My inability to hit buy speaks only to my deep-seated triple-Cap belief in personal austerity.
An entire new skincare regime. Being trapped in your house indefinitely is in fact the most ideal time to experiment with changing your skincare routine. My skin has spent 15 years using the same products daily, so perfect enduring a week or two of spots would be worth it to shake things up and see how my face reacts to new products. I absolutely need to slather some Miracle Broth(TM) full of rich antioxidants all over my face - you can’t put a price tag on delaying the inevitable decline of our physical form, after all! That I have managed to resist for this long demonstrates the strength of my faith in estradiol as the true fountain of youth.
The mania has not yet taken me.
Go check out this global list of SWer mutual aid funds.
xx
M